


hold my hand (squeeze once so I can tell you're there) (this is what together feels like)

by beepbedeep



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/F, Finally!, heather and valencia are IN LOVE I don't care what anyone else says!!!!, something for these CUTIES
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23783866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepbedeep/pseuds/beepbedeep
Summary: Stuff is still hard, never before has Valencia been so aware that there are no magical, perfect solutions or cures in the world, but they do seem to be balancing out on the right side of ok, all things considered.
Relationships: Heather Davis/Valencia Perez
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	hold my hand (squeeze once so I can tell you're there) (this is what together feels like)

Valencia _really_ does not have time for this. At all. Her shoes kind of hurt and she’s supposed to be at a meeting with a new set of clients in an hour and hospitals suck to hang out in, as a rule, and _one of her best friends might be fucking dying and she can’t do anything about it_ , but right now all she can focus on is Hector’s arm around Heather’s shoulder. Heather, who’s supposed to be here with the girl group, and normally Valencia totally understands ditching people for a guy, god knows she’s seen it happen enough, but she thought Heather was different. (she’s never really had a friend like Heather. Or Rebecca. Or even Paula, and she loves them so much, _needs them_ , that when she looks at Hector’s arm resting gently against Heather’s hair she kind of wants to scream.) After all, they’re here for _Rebecca_. If there was ever a time to be there for the good of their female friends, this is IT. Heather’s basically saying that she’s fine with all of this, and Valencia wants Heather to look up and explain why how she’s so ok. Valencia wants Heather to _look up_. 

Also, this hospital lobby is _freezing_ and Valencia didn’t think to bring a jacket because Heather was there and usually they’d just curl up next to each other (they’ve been doing that a lot lately, and Valencia can’t believe she went this long without friends, because when Heather’s arm is pressed against hers, when their legs tangle together, when a piece of Heather’s curly hair gets in Valencia’s mouth, her whole body buzzes and she doesn’t know if anything’s ever made her feel this _alive_.) but right now _Hector_ , the same boy she’s known since kindergarten, who used to lick his palms before lunch and stick slivers of woodchips in his fingers to scare White Josh, is sucking up _all the space_ around Heather that Valencia is used to sliding in and out of, uninhibited. Rebecca almost _died_ , she could probably die at any moment, and all Valencia can think about is how much she wants to start crying, or _something_ , so that Heather’s eyes will flick back to her. 

Later that week, when Rebecca is safely out of the woods (except. She’s might never be ok, she can’t promise, and part of Valencia wants to go back to not caring about anyone, because the numbness was never as bad as the newly icy pit in the back of her stomach that wakes her up in the middle of the night, terrified that Rebecca’s done something _irreversible_.) and after Valencia’s stopped sobbing in the newly knife-free kitchen, Paula takes Rebecca to the grocery store because that feels a little like normal life, and they _really_ want ice cream. Heather follows them to the door, and Valencia notices because Heather isn’t usually someone who can be described as clingy, (the exact opposite in fact!) and when the lock clicks shut, empty of Rebecca’s movement and Paula’s concern, Heather’s whole body collapses into itself. And Valencia doesn’t think most people would notice, because Heather hides well, pretends she doesn’t need other people in a way that Valencia’s been trying to imitate for most of her life, and usually Valencia would probably leave her alone, not push any intense emotional moment after the day they’ve all had, but her face still feels sticky from crying, and every time she shuts her eyes Rebecca’s unconscious body flashes behind her eyelids, and _maybe today just isn’t supposed to be a normal day_. She walks over, and maybe they’re more in sync than she thought, because Heather turns to her without protest and wraps her arms around Valencia’s waist, pulling them together so closely that Valencia is surrounded by the smell of her lotion and shampoo, softening the edges of their suddenly-too-rough world. It’s nice. Really nice. (And if a tiny part of her brain whispers that Heather _didn’t_ let Hector get this close, she definitely won’t admit to smiling about that in the dark.) 

That night, Valencia tries to leave, to go back to her empty apartment, again and again, but every time she starts to think about leaving, Heather somehow manages to look up from the position they’re swirled into on the couch and Valencia can’t imagine being anywhere else. Paula and Rebecca come back, they forgo bowls for sharing ice cream straight from the cartons, and eventually quiet laughter, scared and shy, but undeniably there, begins to float around the room. They fall asleep on the couch, Rebecca’s head on Paula’s shoulder, Heather curled firmly into Valencia’s side, and somehow, between the gentle sounds of breathing and Heather’s warm, slightly poky presence wrapped meeting Valencia’s skin at every possible turn, she sleeps through the night, no ghosts finding their way into her dreams.

Stuff is still hard, never before has Valencia been so aware that there are no magical, perfect solutions or cures in the world, but they do seem to be balancing out on the right side of ok, all things considered. Rebecca’s going to therapy, Paula’s still finding time to study, she’s booked three new clients this week, things might even be considered good, if not for Hector’s continued presence at Heather’s side. He’s over _all the time_ , and Valencia’s used to being the only one who can come and go from the Bunch/Davis residence so easily. That’s the reason she’s never really liked Hector if she’s being honest. Valencia has worked so hard, at every stage of her life, to prove that she deserves to be there. She’s _worked_ for these relationships, put in time with every member of the girl group, but of _course_ Hector can just waltz in and Heather falls all over him. It’s always been like this, since first grade when he came to their school and promptly made friends with everyone in a matter of days. Valencia’s not great at dealing with negative feelings, or feelings at all for that matter, but she knows how to snipe, knows how to mean-girl her way through an interaction, so instead of telling Heather how she flinches every time Rebecca leaves the house, she swallows the panic just like she always does, because she hasn’t cried since that first time, and turns her feelings into weapons, hurls them at Hector because _he has Heather_ , so how can anything really hurt him. She does it most times without thinking, it’s a reflex honed by years of constantly watching her back, unable to be as nice or obviously smart or funny as any of the other people in her life. The thing is, Valencia’s _good_ at being mean. Or at least, being nice doesn’t come so easily to her. But she has friends now, and she’s _happy_ , and she thought that Heather kind of _got it_. Got that she cared. Got that she was trying. Liked her even when she wasn’t always nice. Valencia doesn’t know how she ended up being so close to someone who’s so different than her, except that maybe they’re both more used to being outcasts than they’d like to admit. And they just, get along. It works. It works _really well_. But now their cool, almost-psychic connection, the thing where they just kind of understand and like each other, even with all their combined _eccentricities_ , is ruined, again, by Hector with his stupid intuition and giant smile and constant willingness to help out and complete refusal to feel shame. He doesn’t play games, which is all Valencia is used to doing, and she knows Heather likes it, likes how he smiles and that’s all there is. He’s nice, and supportive, and Valencia _reallyrealllyreallyreallywantstoslaphim_. 

She doesn’t really ever get meaner (she’s pretty sure) than she was at the hospital, but she doesn’t get nicer either, and Hector just _takes it_ , which is _infuriating_ until one day he’s sprawled out on the couch in exactly her spot and Rebecca’s not even home, so she could just drop off the sunflowers she brought on the counter and go home (her mom firmly believes that flowers make everything better, and Valencia is inclined to agree) but usually this is when she and Heather would cook something badly and gossip about something one of them saw at Home Base, but instead she spits something vicious at the person in her fucking spot while she’s putting her shoes back on, and Heather walks in just in time to hear her. And it’s not like Heather thinks she and Hector really get along or anything, but they usually wait until she’s left to start attacking each other, and this is where they end. Hector’s long (too long) limbs on Rebecca’s stained couch, Valencia with one shoe still in her hand, and Heather looking at her with the kind of exhaustion that she hasn’t seen since the day Rebecca came home. And, just like every time she sees Heather, the righteous fire leaves her stomach and she just kind of wants to cry. Valencia ducks her head and puts on her other shoe, refusing all eye contact as she goes to open the door (because, at her core, Valencia Perez is something like a coward in situations like this) but before she can turn the knob Heather’s warm hand is on hers, and Hector is pulling the door open instead and leaving while Heather waves at him, and suddenly it’s just the two of them again. Just the two of them. Valencia’s skin feels like it’s burning where Heather is touching her, and the heat is buzzing up her arm and when Heather smiles (with eyes that are too still and too sad) Valencia can’t help but feel a little silly, for thinking that Hector could ever touch the electricity she can feel spinning between them.

Later they will sit on the couch and Valencia will start talking the second Heather gives her a _look_ and somehow Heather will understand what she means about Hector, about being wanted (which makes sense because Heather always understands) and after Valencia’s words are exhausted, Heather will smile softly and lean her head into Valencia’s shoulder. And, even later, when Valencia is almost asleep, squished between Heather and a scratchy couch cushion, she’ll be shaken awake by a pair of urgent eyes, dark and sparkling in a way she’s never seen before, and when Heather _finally_ leans in to kiss her, every single atom in Valencia’s body just screams _yes_.


End file.
